Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Just another Saturday afternoon at the local children's museum today. You know, the kind where you have a panic attack about three times throughout the funtivities. You start thinking that your child must be abducted, because you can't seem to find the child you claim as your own, amongst sea of colors, flashing before your eyes. (I always try to put my kids in brightly colored clothing to spot them easily, but it seems like other parents must be stealing my memos from iCloud.) It's always a relief when you finally hear a squeal that you recognize in another room, and finally lay eyes on them. Your chest, rises and falls, in a sigh of relief. 

Am I the only one who experiences this? We have "only" three. I can't imagine having a greater head count at this stage, but I suppose that the older they get, the more sets of eyes you have to help look out for the little people who like to chase shiny objects in another room. It's difficult to not feel rather claustrophobic in places where children are the focus, because it is surely filled with children experiencing an array of emotions including elation (loud), surprise (also loud), or exhaustion (very, very loud).  

Today, while experiencing the aforementioned chaos, my husband and I ran into our former neighbors from the last place we called home. In case you haven't heard, military families have to move. A lot. And so, we chat it up for a few minutes with our old neighbors. The conversation was cordial and went something like this. "Hey, how are y'all doing? What a coincidence, seeing your family here!", I exclaim while recognizing them. "Yes, how are y'all doing lately?", they reply.  "Oh, we live here now." ..."Oh wow, really? How long have you been here?" ... "We moved about five months ago."

We kept the small talk going, of course, but it really made me start thinking about neighbors. Having lived in six homes, in the last 9 years, we have had our fair share of new neighbors. And, by default, I suppose, I have been, "Like a good neighbor," and a rather poor one. As a good neighbor early in our married life, we assisted one elderly widow to one side of us do some chores around her house. Unfortunately, to the other side of our duplex, we had another elderly neighbor whom we did not seem to see very often. There is a rather peculiar, I mean, sad, sad story about this mysterious cat lady. I will not do that story justice, and so I will just say that we didn't see her in her living state again. Nor did anyone else. Neighbor FAIL. <Public service announcement- Please check on your neighbors if they happen to live alone. Do not assume that they must be very sleepy. Thank you.> 

And so, as you can imagine, we have had a variety of neighborly situations. We took the good. We took the bad. We took them both. And now we have... The facts of life. The facts of life. 

In my pondering, I thought about how Jesus told his disciples that the greatest commandments were to 1) Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind. 2) Love your neighbor as yourself. 

As a kid, I am pretty sure I heard that a time or two. Or fifty seven. Every time, I thought that Jesus was just using "neighbor" as an analogy. He must really mean to love your family, your friends, and the kids in Ethiopia, that I am sending my vegetables to. It doesn't really mean your actual neighbor, so I am all good. 

Not until the last year or so, has that passage made more sense to me. In Mark 12:32, the man that asked Jesus the question, went on to say, "And to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” It boggled my mind how this neighborly love could be that number "two" of the commandments. What about, "Do not murder," or "Do not steal," or the other whoppers that I don't really need to worry about as much. Why are they not up there? 

It's our human nature to care for ourselves. We tend to fight to survive. With so many conveniences in our own survival techniques, we don't exactly have to hunt for food, or find wild berries. But, we do a rather stellar job at looking out for numero uno. For the most part, of course. So, to love your neighbor as yourself- dang. That's ridonkulous. I'm pretty sure that's German for ridiculous.

But the other kicker, was truly reexamining who "your neighbor" is. This may not be in a theology book, but this is my take on it: A neighbor truly does start at your door step. Who are the people that are close in proximity to you? Obviously, your physical neighbors, count as neighbors. Duh?! But so very many of us don't even start there. We just jump right back to our childhood vision of Ethiopa, and determine that the plane ride may be a little too expensive, so we just go right back to the first commandment. And we send a shoe box on that plane once a year. Done and done. (Note- please continue shoe box tradition. Excellent.) The first commandment about loving God is a lot safer and it's just between me and God. I can do that in my sleep. (Not really, but I know we think it's a no-brainer.)

Why not start loving your neighbor, with your actual neighbor? If you can't reach the family that you can literally throw a stick at from your bedroom window, then who are you going to reach in your community? 

P.S- I am no Mother Teresa here. This is for me, as much as it is for you. But if you read any other post, you may know that by now. 

Right now, even as I type, while other families sleep, there may be a mother who is crying after losing her baby months ago, but the pain still remains. A young boy is missing his mother, who is a world away in the Middle East, and he only sees her through moving pictures on a screen. A mom is worrying how she will juggle another new baby in her family, while working on the side to make some extra money to save for their future. These aren't just scenarios. I know they are in my neighborhood, and I am sure that heartache, and every day struggles are in yours too. 

The easiest place to start, is only a few blocks down and we have no idea, most of the time. You know what they say about what happens when we assume. I need not go on, but it's true! Why do I keep doing this over and over? I assume that all is well, and in reality it's not "ok." 

One of my blunders from our last home was to assume a neighbor right across the street, had friends and was plugged into a working community. I had welcomed her into the neighborhood with the southern tradition of a sweet note and cookies. But since she didn't return the baton to me during the next few months, I assumed that that I had done my part, and it's all on her if she needs anything else. About 9 months later or so, a week before we moved, I found out that she still had not found a Bible study, and had been staying at home all summer with her two kids, just as I had sat with mine. We were a slab of asphalt apart, but I let my pride determine that the ball was in her court, and so I was free of all "duty." Even some of you are now agreeing with my old self, but hello ladies! Just because you threw it out there once, doesn't mean you are done. I know you can't ask forever, but it's the reality that some people are more hesitant to ask for help, or share their heart. You may have to follow up with them to give them a second chance at true communal living, for the benefit of you both! 

I can get off my soapbox, but this is a matter that's pretty strongly connected to who I am, and what I have struggled with, on both ends: As the woman in need of a neighbor to reach out to me, and the woman who has the opportunity to give that cup of cold water in His name. And thankfully, I eventually obeyed God in connecting strongly to a neighborhood family. And a lifelong friendship began.  

We all have ideas of what we can do to be that neighbor that Jesus commands us to be. God may be calling us to make a meal for the new mom, or to watch the kids of someone who has a deployed husband so she can go to the dentist, or even the grocery store, alone! He may lay on your heart the family who may look like they have it all together, but who is really in the same boat as you, struggling to keep your heads above water. But, now you just have to be bold enough to take the first step in forming a friendship. Never assume. Ever! I am shocked by my own assumptions, and humbled by my own actions of ignoring that still small voice that tells me to make an effort. We are all busy, but it truly is the small things, that make an enormous difference in being a true neighbor. Don't let a neighbor move away, and realize a few months later that you never even missed them. 

Mark 12: 28-35

The Greatest Commandment

²⁸ One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
²⁹ “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[a] 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’^[b] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[c] There is no commandment greater than these.”

³² “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. ³³ To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
³⁴ When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him,“You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.