Great (Christmas) Expectations


It's the most wonderful time…of the year. The day after Thanksgiving, I am always alarmingly surprised when I hear the starting pistol go off at 7am. Ok, maybe it's only in my head, but I definitely hear it. And it is then accompanied by the rushing around song from Home Alone, when Kevin's parents frantically sit up in bed after realizing that they had overslept. 

Instead of visions of sugar plums dancing 'round my head, I have visions of to-do lists hanging o'er my head. Before you falsely accuse me of being quite the Scrooge McDuck, and ignoring the struggles of Tiny Tim, I do cherish this season.

Our family unit has some of the usual traditions such as driving around the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights while sipping hot cocoa. Our mischievous elf, Bing (White Christmas anyone?), delights us each morning with naughty tricks like making ginormous piles of pillows and blankets at the bottom of the stairs for the kids to jump onto. If only that tiny, tricky elf was more helpful in the clean up process.  A more unusual family tradition is attending a hotdog and bottled Coca Cola Christmas Eve supper, adopted from my brother-in-law's side of the family. What was once unusual, has become a tradition that we do not want to miss! 

During this season of cheer, it's so easy for me to feel defeated, discouraged, and pretty much like a failure. I guess it's a pretty bad sign when I have yet to actually put pen to paper to transfer my mental to-do list, onto a tangible piece of paper. Or onto a tablet. Or onto a napkin with a crayon, while eating at a restaurant with kids who would honestly rather play a game on my smart phone than be entertained with crayons. Sad, I know. 

I get quite a few things accomplished, but it's so easy to focus on what I did NOT accomplish, as Christmas day is quickly approaching. I told myself in July, to start working on a Christmas craft, for I discovered last year, that if you wait until December 1st to attempt a Christmas craft, it's pretty much too late. Or at least for me, because it takes a while for me to determine what I should make, then to go to Hobby Lobby, then to navigate the store, while a toddler is trying to knock off ribbons from  shelves. And then I forget some key supplies, since I was a wee bit distracted by a screeching sound in my ear, while carrying a child on my hip since my sweet, but sassy treasures are not keen on siting properly in the front of a cart. And fellow shopping patrons do not seem to enjoy the scene that plays out when I whip out the mommy card, and enforce such rules. 

As December the 25th approaches, I often begin to feel like a pretty crummy mom. Here are some mental samples:

"Wow. The other moms from the preschool had time to make adorable little angel ornaments, made with real bits of angel hair for their kids to hand out to their classmates. I barely know how many kids are in my child's class, let alone knowing all their classmates names, ages, birth weight, and allergies. Ugh. I better run to the dollar store pronto, for I surely don't want to be 'that mom,' again." 

"How does the credit card bill get so racked up this time of the year? And it doesn't even look like we really have that much to show for it, either. I really hope our kids don't feel like they are not as loved, since they will be getting a whole lot less than their buddies. Maybe we should just keep buying to catch up?!"

"Our snowman cookie jar has had a hungry belly this year, with not a treat in sight. And our imaginary gingerbread men are homeless, living under the overpass outside, since they are still waiting on their gingerbread house to be made.  And, to think, I just threw away our Halloween candy. The rock candy would have made a good kitchen backsplash. Dang it!" 

"Christmas cards. It would be so nice to have a precious family picture with our cheeks all aglow, that my closest friends and family could touch with their own two hands. But it takes an act of Congress to have all five of us dressed halfway decently, for this Christmas miracle to occur. And why do I always realize, five minutes after we change out of our church clothes, that I just missed the window of capturing our almost put- togetherness? But no one is around, and I can't seem to get the self timer to work. And, oh yes, the camera battery seems to be dead again. And the memory stick is full. And, I can't dump the old pics. Some error keeps popping up that is above my pay grade to figure out. I give up." 

The feelings of utter failure during the Christmas season go on, and on but I will spare you any more ugly details. (And no, I was not even invited to an ugly Christmas sweater party! Having enough friends to rate attending an ugly Christmas sweater party, FAIL. Sob, sob, sob… Well, not really, but almost.)

I think our expectations about the holidays get sky rocketed higher and higher every year. And I aim for the stars, and get disappointed when I land around the upper 3/4th of our Christmas tree, where the lights have mysteriously gone out. No joke. 

I have been pondering why I get so wrapped up with keeping these high expectations. I really don't "care" about keeping up with the seemingly perfect families. But, in my own efforts to blend in, I often lose sight of my own identity, in what MY Christmas season should look like. 

God created us all, with different talents and abilities. I will never be as good as my sister is, at decorating a home for Christmas. I must admit, that she can humbly make her home Southern Living magazine worthy. And after all of these years, thinking I am pretty useless, I have realized something. It's ok! She has a gift, that I simply do not. I take joy that she shares the final product of her amazing vision and skills to make things so beautiful, with so many of us. 

Maybe I didn't bake 3 dozen cookies for the Christmas bake sale, with the ingredients neatly labeled in festive red and green ink. But, I did read a library-on-wheels amount of Christmas books to my kids each night! That counts for something, right?! And baby Jesus made quite a few star appearances, trumping the Santa books, of course. 

Ok, so that's a whole lot of words spewed out, and what's the point again? (I ask myself…) Give yourself a break, already! You are pretty freggin' awesome. Can I say, freggin'? Your kids will (or should) be happy to have you there to celebrate with them on Christmas morning, no matter how many presents are under the tree. I know from experience, that even if you do buy out the Toys R Us, they very well, may ask, "Is that it?" So, why even worry about having "enough"?! 

Memories are being made, even if you are not realizing it or planning it. A detour to look at the lights around the neighborhood, counts in the Christmas spirit jar, even if you didn't have to pay $15 per car to drive through. 

No, this isn't really that deep. But it is something a lot of us struggle with, this time of the year. I encourage you, fellow mommy with tattered twist band in your hair, to just take a deep breath. You are doing fine. Christmas is not ruined. Just enjoy these moments, for they are only young once! I am learning this, day by day! And so, I shall sing, Mariah Carey songs, amongst the dirty dishes, and know that God created me exactly who He wanted me to be. And my kids will be just fine on Christmas morning, sitting under a tree with broken lights. 

Psalm 16:8-11
English Standard Version (ESV)
I have set the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being[a] rejoices;
    my flesh also dwells secure.
10 
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
    or let your holy one see corruption.[b]
11 
You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.




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