Would you be my friend?

Growing up, I wasn’t always on the “in crowd.” Well, I suppose I was on the fringes of the popular group where I would walk around with the super fly girls with my tight rolled jeans and Aquanet plastered bangs flopping in the wind at recess, but not a full fledged  B.F.F. with golden heart locket carrying member. In 6^th grade I remember really longing to be invited to a birthday party plus pillow fight inducing sleepover of the “double threat girls,” wielding both brains and beauty. But, alas I did not have the coveted handmade invite slipped into my knock off JanSport inspired bookbag. As if it wasn’t painful enough, on Monday morning I would hear all about their life-altering facemasks and prank calls to the cute boys, with jealousy swallowed down hard. In my heart I longed to be in their inner circle of friends, but in the midst of my pain, the Lord gave me beautiful, lasting friendships with fellow like-minded, and faithful young ladies. So why did I so desperately want the invite to be with my popular classmates? With time and maturity, I thankfully grew to be content in the friendships God so lovingly put in my path. Well, most of the time… until social media gives me glimpses of what I’m potentially “missing out on” seeing the selfie worthy adventures that other ladies are having without me on a daily basis. I don’t consider myself a jealous person. I can see pictures of friend’s perfectly decorated homes, exotic trips, fancy dinner dates, and more, but it doesn’t strike a nerve in my heart until I see friendships I’m missing out on. I’m still processing what the Lord wants me to do with those feelings, but it really got me thinking that if I’m feeling this disappointed, hurt or jealous, I know I’m not the only woman that had tinges of jealousy seeing the fabulous times of friends, in which we didn’t get the invite.

 When I truly reflect on the goodness of God with friendships in my life over the years, it’s so beautiful that I can only shake my head in disbelief and awe at the goodness of God, in giving me such rich friendships in most stages of life these 38 years. Sadly, I know that’s not always the case with many of us ladies. We long for deep, meaningful friendships, and we find loneliness and isolation instead, which often leads to depression, discouragement and jealousy.

Last month, traveling to California, I was overwhelmed with a renewed sense of friendship with two friends. One whom I already had a strong connection, and one whose friendship blossomed through more time spent together. The Lord has His hand on our lives in a pretty tangible way as a trio, and in recent days, women who didn’t know us from Adam’s housecat would notice our friendship and verbalize their longing for deep, soul connecting friendships. It did help that we had matching BFF necklaces, for reals, made by the loving and skilled hands of a friend, and given as a beautiful, generous gift. A Bible verse is written on the necklaces which reads, Ecclesiastes 4:12, “A chord of 3 strands is not easily broken.”

After a young woman powerfully gave us words of encouragement for our futures, she verbalized her  longing for this same bond of friendship, and we were able to pray for her to receive this gift in this new season in her life. It was so life giving, to release this mantle of friendship to her, when I had not even realized it was a gift that we had, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, it is a gift to be given away.

I learned last month about praying for others to receive from the Holy Spirit, the same gift that has been given to us, and in this case, it was the gift of friendship. (Revelation 19:10 …For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophesy.)  I had never seen this as a true gift, and the more I look back at my life, I can see the Lord’s hand and provision of friendship in so many seasons of life. I’ve had a lifetime of treasuring women’s friendship through grade school, high school, college, graduate school, early military spouse years, young motherhood years, and now in my time of really being settled in who I am in my late thirties stage of life. Again, I shake my head, in God’s goodness, in giving me rich friendships, especially after a week of enjoying and growing deeper into a sisterhood level of friendship with two women in similar seasons.

So now, I think to myself, this would be selfish to not share the secret sauce of friendship, and how I’ve learned to receive the gift of friendship with others. If I could share this gift and pray over every woman that longs for true friendship, I totally would be up for that prayer sesh. But, alas, I haven’t earned enough frequent flyer points to visit you all, and so this writing will have to be the jump start for those who may have this true longing and desire for friendship.  

On the fly, these are my keys to the friendship world, that I have found to be true.

1)      Open your eyes. Notice the like-minded ladies around you. These are potential friends that God is sending you!  I remember being in a lonely place after our family moved to a new town via military orders, and praying that God would send me a mom-friend. After what seemed like months of loneliness, He finally did and I encountered a mom with 2 kids the same ages, and one on the way as well at the time, and we both knew instantly, that we were in the same boat, and needed each other to survive this crazy life with our “littles.” And I can tell you now, it was the start of a beautiful friendship because I opened my eyes to the woman he had come across my path.

2)      Never assume. I would often assume that ladies established in an area already had their village, and didn’t need any more friends, so I would hang my head down low, and walk away. I always later learned that they too were praying and longing for connection, and my company was worthy of true friendship. So never assume that another person doesn’t need you as much as you need them in their life for human connection and fellowship.

3)      Take a risk. Invite a potential new friend to coffee. You may not hit it off with every person you try to chat it up with, but just like a first date, you need to try to see if you have an instant connection with someone. Sometimes opposite personalities actually click well together, and you can become friends with someone who doesn’t look like you, or even have the same interests. But friendship is always surprising and unpredictable like that. So, take a risk, and just try to connect through doing life and inviting a potential friend to join you in it. Even if it’s just getting in the car to do errands, going for a walk with your baby around the neighborhood, or having coffee at your house as the kids play dress up, you’d be surprised at who would enjoy just hanging together for the company when you ask.

4)      Be the friend you’ve always wanted. Sometimes it starts with you showing up, and meeting a friend’s functional needs, and eventually the same is done for you. A friend had a baby, and needs a meal. It’s a no brainer to provide a meal for them. And next time you’re sick and your tiny humans have the nerve to still be hungry for dinner, ask a friend to help you out. You would want a friend to ask you, right? So just do what you’d expect of someone else, and this goes two ways of serving your friend and being WILLING to be served (which sometimes includes asking for help.)

5)      Be loyal. Lastly, to keep a friend, don’t gossip, share things you shouldn’t share, and in general keep it positive. If you wouldn’t want something shared about you, you probably shouldn’t be sharing it to another friend. Point out the gold in your friends, whether they are in front of you, or not. Always point out the praiseworthy thing, and show up for them.

My prayer for you, dear one is that the Lord would meet you where you are, and you would have a divine encounter with someone that He has lined up for you to really click with today. My friends and I release the mantle of friendship over you in the name of Jesus, and the power of the Holy Spirit, that you may have soul satisfying friendships, where the belly laughs and inside jokes over poop emojis and the like, will have no end. Until of course you realize that the tiny humans are too tired to put up with your silly mommy shenanigans anymore, and you all have to go home and hit the hay. But not until you put another “game night with friends” on the calendar for next week.

Even as I scroll through Facebook with my morning coffee, and see what I may be missing out on with friends I know (or as I reflect on the 6^th grade sleepovers I missed out on as a kid,) I realize that God has surrounded me with exactly who He wants me to connect with when I simply obey His leading and say “yes” to soul satisfying friendships and community. God, you’re so loving!

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” I Corinthians 13:4-8